I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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