god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
