Is it normal to miss your booty call?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
