3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
