I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
