Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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