I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
