How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
