Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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