I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I believe in your delicious
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
