i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
