There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
