i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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