I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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