if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
