You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
