It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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