she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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