Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
