hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
