I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
