Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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