all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
