The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize