Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
