I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
