even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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