The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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