my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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