i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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