I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
