Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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