Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
