You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
