If i come over, it means nothing
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
