In America we eat man semen.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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