brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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