Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
