So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Let's paint friendship bongs
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
