So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
