so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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