..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
