Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
