Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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