ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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