Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
