TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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