Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
