those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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