I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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