went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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