Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
the raccoons are back...
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